January 2012
LOL. TXT IT. NO HOMO. BRB. HMU. JK.
it’s 7:11
I’m already drunk
lord help me
December 2011
friend: i got an A on my calculus test
friend: i got a hot boyfriend
friend: i had so much fun partying this weekend
me: one time i got four notes on a text post i made
“dis right here is my swag”
– souljah boy (via nervouslaugh)
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“Who the fuck said I can’t beat those, break. Took so long for your album to...”
– Queen Latifah (Dissing Foxy Brown on Name Callin’ (Part 2))
when you see shows you watched as a child on boomerang and realize that your childhood is over.
“Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make...”
– Lemony Snicket, The Austere Academy (via someone-actually)
“Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution....”
– Thomas Edison (via mindoverstomach)
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Biology Teacher: So the sperm is surrounded with glucose
Student: you mean semen is like sugar?
Biology Teacher: yeah basically
Me: doesn't taste like sug....
Biology Teacher:
Me:
Student:
Biology Teacher:
Me:
Student:
Me: whoops
child predator: I have candy come in my van
me: no thanks
predator: I have wifi come in my van
me: ok
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saving myself for marriage or ryan gosling
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“Billy licked his lips, thought a while, inquired at last: “Why me?”...”
– Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five
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justin-dustin:
i mean, we probably shouldn’t be allowed to have a camera when we’re sober. much less when we’re drunk
basically
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“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
– Mark Twain
hemidemisplemmyquaver:
Salem is literally one of my favourite characters in the history of ever.
“Who has kwanzaa? The Jews?”
– my mom
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falbro:
“there won’t be a shire, pip.”
and i cried and my tears were blood.
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